Tuesday, January 31, 2006
customary 'post before book in'. except that its the night before now! =) having a half day off after a long break IS really shiok. every little bit away from camp counts more and more now. everyone has the same goal... -ord in peace-. lets all work towards that! gan batte! ike! 9 more months baby, just 9 more months.
anyhoo! went to town today to eat din tai fung for 'high tea' after soccer with the usuals at SPE.. and as usual it didnt disappoint. i love my chinese food. i think i'm getting more cheenafied as the days go by... haha i feel this need to rediscover my chinese roots suddenly. time to shed this 'kentang' image =p speaking of which! i found out that im deeply addicted to mahjong. haha okae maybe not so much 'found out', i just am. its just damn fun lah. so... here's calling out to all those living in the west! i need mahjong khakis. or dont need to live so close, but must be convienient/have transport can liao hahaha. or willing to fork out cabfee for me ;)
ugh in the meantime. my fitness level is totally gone. argh! to think im still in army, but somehow along the way everything's become too slack. and i've been getting abit worried too heh. i dont seem to have much 'fitness retention' or improvement either.. i remember running a whole lot last year in preparation for arti x-country, and also AHM... even ran 17 klick at one point. and my running didnt improve at all! infact my running hasnt improved over these years.. sigh. and i seem to run out of breath easily too. like what the! i hate having no stamina. but the worst part is having no patience to improve it either. haha thats right. the number one disease = LAZINESS. arghs x999999. i need a sporty girlfriend who'll drag me around to play tennis, go running, go cycling, go wakeboarding, go dancing, go dragonboating, go rollerblading, go basketballing, go rock climbing, go swimming... go sporting basically. hahaha. or even just a friend. so... second shout out! first one is for mahjong khakis, this one is for exercise khakis. haha can be both, that'll be even better lol.
recent adventures that i've been too lazy to update about : guess i'll just a do a lil' pic posting eh? heh.
look at all those lovely baos.. and i dont mean joy in the background *halo*
even more food.. or whats left of it =p seoul garden on chu xi afternoon! haha was great to meet up with the guys =) even though seoul garden ripped us off.. 30 dollars. like. wtf.
super cute crab!! kawaii ^^
heaven comes in 'little' round mugs.
playing word games at joys house during christmas.. check out howard's candy cane costume lol.
tempus fugit indeed, tempus fugit ;)
at essential brews. hmm dawn looks scared...
and with due reason ahhaha. (she's somewhere there.. heh)
teng and santosh sharing a... 'moment' at sam's house ahhaha.
*contented sigh* its all this that makes it all worth while.
or so it seems, at 11:43 PM
Monday, January 30, 2006
You are the Sun card. The light of the Sun reveals
all. The Sun is joyful and bright, without
fear or reservation. The childish nature of
the Sun allows you to play and feel free.
Exploration can truly take place in the light
of day when nothing is hidden. The Sun's rays
fill you with energy so that you may live
life to its fullest, milking pleasure out of
each day. Such joy and energy can bring
wealth and physical pleasure. To shine in the
light of day is to have confidence, to soak
up its rays is to feel the freedom of a
child. Image from: Stevee Postman.
http://www.stevee.com/
Which Tarot Card Are You? brought to you by Quizillajust thought it was interesting =p another boring day in joshville. zzz
or so it seems, at 4:57 PM
Sunday, January 22, 2006
i should count myself so lucky. to have held something so precious once, to have cherished it for even those few moments, and to truly and completely believed it, felt it. just that alone is priceless. to have it at the tips of your fingers, even to watch it drift agonisingly away. it was worth it. i understand now what it means, what it all means to me. and i am relieved.
watching chiyo as a little girl run along the red pillars towards the temple.. its like seeing yourself as a child once again. reminding you of what you once had, and lost. it was just a flood of memories. what was it like to be once... so innocent. so free of the realities of this world, to have the world at your feet, to be dreaming of the ends of the rainbow, the beginnings of tomorrow. it was just... magical. and for that one moment i felt as though i had lost it all, that in my haste to reach where i am now, i let it all fade away. i had forgotten all the things that made life so worth living. i once thought that.. whats lost can never be found again. but now i see that it isnt true. what was once a part of you can never be truly lost. it remains, each memory, each experience etched into what makes me.. undeniably, me.
i'd rather reach for the sky and fall a million miles, than to carry on without believing that i can fly. if only for a moment.
or so it seems, at 8:58 PM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
im tired. tired of pretending like everything's okay. tired of my moodswings. tired of being happy one moment and lonely the next. sick of the gloom of reality. sick of always putting on a brave face, sick of stuffing away all the disappointments, the apprehensions. drained from all the doubts, the misgivings, the fear. the bloody fear. the god damn fear.
life is tough, that much is true. and im pretty sure my life is easy compared to what others have to face. and that makes it only so much worse. nothing compares to the pain you bring on yourself, the pain you create within your own heart, your own mind.
its like im killing myself. slowly, painfully. drawing out the process.
along the way i'm saved. time and time again.
only to fall down, and to be picked up again.
for miles and miles all i see is one set of footprints on the sand, and their not mine. they belong to someone else, someone who bled for me; died for me. that person i've scorned, i've rejected, i've cast aside. when i've needed him he's been there. but i've never loved him, or perhaps once i did, but not anymore. what does it mean to love? to be loved? i've never really felt it, and when i had glimpses of it i lost it, like sand through my fingers.
and still he carries me.
or so it seems, at 9:03 PM
